Saturday, June 27, 2020

The New Minneapolis 911

Minneapolis 911 911: Welcome to Minneapolis 911 Holistic Response Center: How can we be of service? If you know your extension, you can dial it directly now Listen carefully to our menu, which is changing as we move to a police free city. If you are calling about a domestic violence dispute, dial 1 for our counseling center. If you are calling about child endangerment, dial 2 for social services. If the dispute is between neighbors, contact your local mediator. If a homeless encampment has sprung up in your neighborhood, please hang up. We have been unable to resolve the homeless problem for a decade. If it is a non-violent property crime, hang up and hire private security If it is a stolen vehicle, hang up; we do not respond to non-violent crime.. If it is a medical emergency, go to the nearest emergency hospital. If it is about drugs, drugs are legal now. You will have to go to nearest emergency hospital. If it involves problems at a school, hang up, dial the school directly and ask for the principal. We no longer have school resource officers. If it is a fire, please contact the fire marshal. If you are white and being mugged, than you are a victim of white privilege to which we cannot respond. If it is gang related, we do not get involved with their freedom of expression. If it involves a homicide, it’s too late. For bank robberies, contact the FBI. For kidnappings, contact the FBI. If the case involves excessive force by a police officer, I will put you through now to Internal Affairs. If you are unsure, please dial O or remain on the line. The expected wait time is 45 minutes. If you cannot wait, call Ghostbusters. Thank you for calling Minneapolis 911; Have a good day.

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