Sunday, April 4, 2010

The Annual White House Easter Egg Roll

Today is Easter Sunday, but tomorrow is the official White House Easter Egg Hunt and Egg Roll, thereby making Easter a four day weekend.

This year’s traditional, 13 decades old Easter Egg Roll is non-traditional in many ways, including that it is now a continuum of the Christmas/Santa Claus Season.
Forgive me therefore if I sometimes confuse the Holidays. Congress just keeps giving out gifts.

30,000 children of all ages will participate in the South Lawn Gala festivities, headlined by J.K. Rowling, Apolo Ohno, the cast of Glee, White House chefs, and a yoga instructor.

Egg rollers this year are instructed to search for specially designated eggs among the 14,000 hard boiled eggs.

This year’s egg hunt and roll has a wide variety, shape, and size of mostly chicken, duck, and turkey eggs, most in various hues of green.

For example, the military gets a khaki green “don’t ask, don’t tell” egg with a red line drawn through it. Acorn gets several smallish brownish green eggs, symbolizing that big trees out of little acorns grow. Acorn may have self-proclaimed its demise, but little acorns have sprouted everywhere in weed like manner.

SEIU gets a large, purplish green egg.

15 eggs are named recessed appointments. Trial lawyers receive a large raptor egg.

The UAW gets a mammoth reddish green GM Mark of Excellence egg, and a much smaller Chrysler blue egg (Be careful though picking this one up, for it is highly fragile).

The AFL-CIO has waiting for it a bulging card check egg, while undocumented immigrants search for a faded green amnesty egg (If not this year, then when?).

The Sierra Club, of course, receives the largest, solid bluish green egg courtesy of the EPA.

Goldman Sachs gets a gold tinted green egg, which it plans to collateralize in a credit default swap for the Oval (egg shaped) Office.

Toyota receives the NASA egg, while NASA is grounded with an Ostrich egg.

A puce egg awaits TSA, while 15 greenish beige eggs are reserved for the Cabinet members (Quick: name all 15 Cabinet members?).

Van Jones has a very red, with perceptible shades of green, egg.

A turkey egg, marked “BFD,“ is reserved for the Vice President. Rahm Emanuel is charged with searching for his special hardboiled "F.R." egg. Robert Gibbs has a special, pallid green egg and spam plate waiting for him,

Justice Stevens has a green, retirement nest egg reserved for him in Florida.

A shrinking ego egg goes to Lawrence Summers.

The progressives await a special meal of caviar while Senator Harry Reid continues to lay verbal eggs.

Some members of the House and Senate will pick up pink slipped unemployment eggs, the identities of which will not be revealed for 7 more months. The giving season continues to roll.

An unknown number of IRS eggs, signed by Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, are scattered around the South Lawn for tax scofflaw members of Congress and appointees to the Obama Administration.

President Obama has much to give blessings for this Easter Sunday; he earned several large eggs, leading off with the Nobel egg, noble but grotesque. He receives half a egg for TART (the other half claimed by a non-present President Bush), and whole eggs for Stimulus, Jobs Bill I,Detroit,student loans, and an exploding egg for health care reform. Two drone shaped eggs are marked "Al Qaeda" and "Taliban."

These eggs overshadow the crow's eggs for the 2016 Olympics and Copenhagen.

In addition, TOTUS has been replaced because of too much egg on its face.

Where is the rotten egg in this scene?

A few, special awards will be bestowed at the Roll. For example, Congressman Hank Johnson (D. Ga.) will be honored with the Egg Head Flat Earth Award for worrying about Guam tipping over, while Congressmen John Conyers (D. Mich.) and Phil Hare (D. Ill.) split the Egg Head Award for Constitutional Jurisprudence. Check out all three videos.

Beverages at the Gala include punch, but no tea bags.

Some of our historic friends, such as England with whom we have a special relationship, receive no eggs this year. On the contrary, England, Israel,Canada, India, Honduras, Poland, the Czech Republic, Hamid Karzai all receive large, solid black lumps of bituminous coal - not even low sulphur lignite coal. Pharma, insurers, medical providers, and energy companies get goose eggs, if they’re lucky.

Investors, creditors, entrepreneurs, debenture holders, employers and employees receive baskets of taxes. Someone has to pay for the eggs.

The nuclear industry and off-shore oil have been promised eggs, but they’re really the victims of a shell game.

This egg hunt is not bipartisan. The GOP in its role as The Grinch Who Stole Christmas or Scrooge McDuck (who cannot lay an egg) is uninvited to the festivities.

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