Monday, July 31, 2017

The Bare Facts About Bare Ass on the Bare Fare Spirit Airlines

Jack Webb in Dragnet: “Just the facts, ma’am.” Here are the bare facts about bare ass on bare fare Spirit Airlines. An unnamed passenger caught the spirit of Spirit Airlines by barring it all in boarding the airline. No fig leaf No pasties No shame The media won’t report if it is a he or she, so I will prefer to the person as “he/she/it.” He/she/it boarded in Las Vegas for a flight to Oakland. We can safely assume he/she/it is not an Oakland raiders fan. They loudly overdress rather than underdress. We can safely assume he/she/it did not lose its shirt in Vegas because he/she/it was wearing it before embarking and disrobing. Perhaps he/she/it was mistaken about a gig. We can safely assume he/she/it either caught the Spirit of Spirit, which painted “Home of the BARE FARE” on an engine, or the letter of Bare Fare. One must bare it all to get the bare fare. Spirit is known for its cheap fares, its bare fares, but you pay for everything else except one 16” X 14” X 12” carry on, personal bag and oxygen. Spirit would charge for the air if it could. Spirit’s charges are a caricature of the larger airlines’ fees. Want to print out a boarding pass at the airport kiosk, that’s $2. Want a reserved seat, pay for it. Want to sit with your family, pay for reserved seats. Want an upgrade, pay for it Want to check in luggage, pay by the dimensions and weight. How much? Go to Spirit’s “Bag-O-Tron” and prepay No refunds On a family vacation? Bikes, golf bags, skis, scuba equipment are oversized luggage. Pay extra. Want to carry on a bag to stow overhead, pay for it. Thirsty? Buy a drink Hungry? Pay for a snack Want to fly standby, that’s cost you with no guarantees Nothing though in Spirit’s rules of carriage about passengers with lice. Presumably they can come aboard if they are attached to members of the family. Delta kicked the whole family off the plane. Good for Delta! He/she/it proves that what doesn’t go in Vegas may still stay in Vegas But where’s the video?

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