Saturday, February 15, 2014

Action Alert: Acton Camel on the Loose

Friday was Valentine’s Day, but the one hump Acton camel thought it was Hump Day. He escaped his pen, along with a buffalo and ostrich, who went their separate ways to blend in with the other escaped exotic animals in the Antelope Valley. The wayward dromedary was lost and confused. His hump was but a dilapidated, sagging half hump, and he had never been free to wander the high desert before. He didn’t even have a name, not even Joe Camel. We think he’s a he, but no definitive report has yet been released. He was musing about Valentine’s Day. No camel had ever been his Valentine, and certainly not today. The Camel With No Name was on a journey through the High Desert - Free At Last; Free At Last. But no! A 72 year old denizen of the desert tried to single-handedly corral him. The fool thought all camels were domesticated. Not this nameless one. He charged the man, knocked him to the ground, stuck the human head into his mouth, bit down and then remembered he was a vegan and not a carnivore. He stomped the human for good measure. Some other neighbors offered him food, the straw that broke the camel’s nerve, and led him back to his pen. But then, just as in the movies, a band of deputy sheriffs arrived. Our camel wanted no piece of the law and bolted again. He charged the deputies, he charged the cars, he charged anything that moved. He did not notice though the NBC4LA traffic helicopter hovering overhead. Angelenos are jaded by highspeed chases (so passé), but there had never before been a low speed, careening camel chase. OJ was in a low speed, white Ford Bronco pursuit in the O.C. two decades ago, but this is LA, or at least the far northeast fringe of LA County. A BOLO went out for the gallivanting camel. The marauding camel was news; it even made the London Daily Mail, which dates back to the time of the Sopwith Camel and Camel cigarettes. A camel capture ensued with sheriff cars and fire engines surrounding him in the Wild West of northeast Los Angeles. The camel is now penned in Lancaster, being held by the Los Angeles Sherriff, the new Sherriff from the O.C., as “evidence.” The camel has now found a purpose in life. Maybe he’ll regain his hump in life. He is evidence against his owner, whoever that might be. The owner is unlicensed to possess camels, which is as great a crime in California as the unlicensed practice of the law. The unlicensed camel owner is AWOL, fleeing the police, presumably not by camelback to the Camelback Resort.

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