Trolling for Dollars - The Obama Way

An seemingly infinite means of raising campaign funds exist: Supper Pacs, Pacs, 501©(4)’s, individual, bundled, corporate, union, lotteries, cash, check, credit card, debit card, or in kind, legal or illegal (Think of Vice President Al Gore and the Buddhist Temple), targeted groups, and the sale of ambassadorships. The Obama campaign has now discovered an ingenious way of raising funds.

Hope and Change.

They’re hoping for change, your change. Chump change compared to Bill Maher’s $1 million dollars and George Clooney’s $15 million fundraiser. Still, it all adds up.

You can’t make this one up. The campaign wants to come between you and your family. The Obama for America web site announced on Friday a registry for supporters. Sign up on the Presidential Registry and then ask for a donation to the President “in lieu” of a wedding present, anniversary gift, or birthday gifts: “Instead of another gift card you’ll forget to use, ask your friends and family for something that will go a little further: a donation to Obama for America.”

The campaign’s web site admonishes us to “Let your friends know how important this election is to you.”

We know.

“It’s a great way to support the President on your birthday.”

I’m selfish on my birthday. My birthday is for me. The President is not going to take away from my birthday. 

Is the President going to tell Michelle, Malia, and Sasha that no birthday presents for them because he’s giving to his reelection campaign in their name?

How could the President forget Bar Mitzvahs and Bat Mitzvahs? Imagine the sums that could be raised by diverting the sums earmarked for bar mitzvahs or bat mitzvahs. 

Don’t leave Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy out of the Obama Beneficence Society.

As you hang the stockings for Christmas, make sure to give the money to Obama for America else the Obama for America might stick a lump of coal, that evil fossil fuel, in the stockings.

Your little daughter lost a tooth. As she wakes up the next morning, her hand slips under the pillow searching for cash from the Tooth Fairy. She finds a card from the Tooth Fairy saying “I gave to Obama in your name.”

No eggs or candies from the Easter Bunny – just a hollow shell containing a “Thanks for Giving” from Obama.

Your son expects a radio flyer for his birthday. He gets the “Thanks for Giving” from the President.

Don’t forget to cash in the children’s’ piggy bank. Who needs it more?

Think of it as a teachable moment. Teach your children that the government keeps coming up with new ways to take your hard earned money and redistribute it. Tell your children that the dreaded Kiddie Tax has replaced Santa Claus.

Imagine this conversation with your spouse: “Remember my dear the weekend we’ve planned without the kids – to rekindle the romance – ignite a few flames.  I cancelled it; Obama needs the money more.”

The response will be something along the lines of “You mean you love President Obama more than you love me.”

“No my dear; you need President Obama more than you need me.”

Our wedding vows did not include an oath of fealty to any president, much less President Obama.

As for your anniversary, the President is not going to stand between your spouse and roses, chocolate, fine dinners, jewelry, and travel.

Another choice: “We can save for college tuition or invest in Obama. He’ll do right by us, just like Julia, so let’s contribute the children’s college fund to Obama for America.”

Let’s also short the Church collection to give to the President. We’ll show our support for his position on the Church and Freedom of religion.

Hope for Change.