The World According to Goop

I was attending a conference in Banff last week, rarely catching TV, surfing the web, or reading hardcopy – the conference was that engaging. Banff itself was invigorating. Yet I saw that Gwyneth Paltrow was doing the unspeakable. She spoke. She fawned, Giddy in Love, over President Obama: “You’re so handsome that I can’t speak properly.” So that’s her excuse. From early Friday morning to Thursday night I turned off my cell’s internet to avoid obscene roaming charges. But Goop was hovering in the background with nonsensical profundity. The speakers and panels in Banff were scintillating, but the spoiled preppie child of Hollywood royalty, loose in Brentwood, is in a league of her own. Mrs. Malaprop is normal compared to Goop. Ms. Paltrow should provide lessons to Vice President Biden. Shallow Gwyneth tries to relate to working women: “It’s much harder for me. I think it’s different when you have an office job, because it’s routine and you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening.” I’ve known several working mothers, beginning with my mom, struggling to balance the workplace and motherhood without maids, nannies, drivers, agents, and bodyguards. She continued: “I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it’s not like being on set.” They will never know. The ten year expatriate to London has this recipe for America’s success: “It would be wonderful if we were able to give this man all of the power that he needs to pass the things that he needs to pass.” Does she not realize that Americans have quit on President Obama? Democrats are running away from the President. Chris Matthews has lost that thrill going up his legs. Of course not; Goop has just reentered the United States from a self-imposed, decade long exile in England. She plans to move her two children, Apple and Moses, back to England in two years because the English educational system is “second to none.” We have the same elite prep schools in America. The Oscar winning thespian hates bloggers: “You come across (online comments) about yourself and your friends, and it’s a dehumanizing thing. It’s almost like how, in war, you go through this bloody, dehumanizing thing, and then something is defined out of it.” A famous celebrity, as shallow as the “Real Housewives of Wherever,” with a web site and eccentric cooking tastes, and who writes with apparent Glee of her impending divorce in terms of “consciously uncouple and co-parent” invites contempt and ridicule. Let your acting and singing speak for you. Remember that we uncouth Yankee rubes pay your lifestyle. STFU!