"Giant Squids Attack Greenpeace Sub"

In the immortal words of Monty Python: “And now for something different.” Saturday afternoons in the 1950’s and 1960’s were always a double bill at the neighborhood theatre, usually The Surf. The Hollywood Studios pumped out the B Movies. Two movies, several cartoons (Looney Toons, Disney and Casper the Friendly Ghost), popcorn, candy and a drink for less than $1 would fill the whole afternoon with sheer escapism. Republic led with the westerns, Universal with the horror films, but there was much more. We learnt ancient history and mythology from movies, such as The Odyssey, Helen of Troy (with a blond Helen), Jason and the Argonauts, The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad, The Vikings, Ivanhoe, Robin Hood, The Robe, Demetrius and the Gladiators, The Ten Commandments, and El Cid. Swashbucklers and cowboys: John Wayne, Charlton Heston, Kirk Douglas, Burt Lancaster, and Yul Brenner dominated the big screen. Laurie and Hardy, Abbott and Costello, The Three Stooges, W. C. Fields, Ma and Pa Kettle, and even Francis the Talking Mule headlined the comedies lineup. The above ground nuclear tests created a sci fi genre of mutants. “Them” involved giant, mutant ants living in the drainage channels of the cemented Los Angeles River. The movie relevant to this blog is “It Came From Beneath The Sea.” A giant mutant octopus attacked the Golden Gate Bridge and the Ferry Building (special effects by the great Ray Harryhausen). San Francisco was terrified. That’s what came to mind when I saw the tagline: “Giant Squids Attack Greenpeace Sub.” (Octopus, squid, we didn’t know the difference). I visualized mammoth tentacles ripping Greenpeace’s minisub into pieces and pulling the submariners into the squalid, squid beaks. I envisioned giant squids moving on to shredding the Rainbow Warrior II.The irony, or is it tragedy, of nature’s creatures devouring their Greenpeace saviors was worth a look. Nature accomplishing what France failed at in blowing up Greenpeace’s Rainbow Warrior, killing an innocent photographer, in a futile attempt to defeat a Greenpeace mission. Perhaps Jules Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, starring a singing Kirk Douglas, came to life. Sea creatures accomplishing what Japanese whalers fail and flail at – stopping Greenpeace. Squid doing what lawyers can’t – Stop Greenpeace. Lego caved to Greenpeace. Could giant Bering Squids play the role of Moby Dick? Was it possible? Alas, the 5½ minute video is highly engaging, but the squids were more like baby squid rather than full grown Humboldt Squids. These "Jumbo Squids" grow up to six feet, two inches in length and weigh up to 100 pounds - hardly the mutant octopus attacking San Francisco. These two squids were only a few feet in length. They did not pose a threat to Greenpeace's "Dual Deep Worker Submersible." It appears that one of the squids may have been shredded into chum by the sub’s propeller – an abominable act by Greenpeace intruding into the land of the Humboldt Squid. The squid were defending themselves against the trespassing James Cameron wannabes with a bright light, perhaps 2,000 feet under the sea. Once again technology bested primitive nature. Squid evolved in the depths of the ocean free from human intrusion. They were as helpless against Greenpeace as the passenger pigeons and buffalo against Man. Greenpeace has not disclosed the purpose of the mission, specific details of the sub’s mission or the names of the squid killing crew members. President Obama, as usual, knows nothing about it.