Praise Be To The Lord: The American Atheists Conclave in Salt Lake City Thursday

Praise Be To The Lord: American Atheists Meet In Salt Lake City Thursday The 51st Annual Convocation of American Atheists is in Salt Lake City on Thursday, the equivalent of bringing refrigerators to Eskimos in January. The opening prayer by no one is on the being of nothingness, followed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir’s classic rendition of the Battle Hymn of the Republic. The atheists fear not Charlton Heston or Joseph Smith descending from the Wasash Mountains with tablets in their hands. The atheists are tempting fate in Salt Lake City. Fortunately, the Mormons are known for their boundless warmth and hospitality. The atheists are reknown for their interminable dourness and hostility. Less than a thousand parishioners are expected in attendance, probably half of whom are media representatives looking for the journalistic miracle that gets them media attention and immortality: “Lightning Smites Atheists: God has Spoken.” Legal Tender can neither be tendered nor accepted because it says “In God We Trust.” The atheists are in an evangelical mood with the 94% of Americans who believe in God. Alas, atheists cannot convert with the divine fervor of the Church of Latter Day Saints. Atheists have nothing to offer. May the Church of Latter Day Saints unleash the power of scores of Mormon missionaries upon the hapless atheists. The American Atheists claim a kinship with devout Christians worldwide. Just as Jesus Christ was martyred, so too was their spiritual and corporeal founder, Madelyn O’Hair Murray, who was killed along with her son and granddaughter by a money hungry apostle, David Roland Waters, in 1995. Judas Iscariot’s 30 pieces of silver grew to $500,000 in gold coins by David Waters. God has no power over human caused inflation. Rather than Salt Lake City, the atheists should have chosen the United States Air Force Academy Chapel in Colorado Springs. The Air Force brass are acting like the pre-Constantine Roman Emperors with Christianity. The atheists do not meet in such heathen centers as New York City and San Francisco. The Big Apple is always at risk of a Ghostbusters IV and St. Francis’ city has been described as the modern day Sodom and Gomorrah. Nor do they gather in the snake handling Pentecostal churches. The atheists are mortally scared of the demon rattlesnake. Let us lift up our arms and pray for them; let us pray for their immortal souls. Let us pray for the Mormon missionaries to do God’s will.