Mass Hysteria in Oregon: Drunk Teenager Urinates - Portland Flushes 38 Millions Gallons

Reservoirs are not naturally clean waters. Stream water, the beautiful, radiant clear water of the mountain stream is impure. Take a look at “pure” stream water or your tap water under a microscope. Watch the bacteria swim. W.C. Fields was once asked if he drank water. His response was “I don’t drink water. Fish fuck in it.” Animals and birds relieve themselves in reservoirs. Humans, especially children, urinate in them. Dead birds and animals float in them. Municipal reservoirs often serve multiple uses, including boating, fishing, swimming, and bathing. On Wednesday, April 16 eighteen year old Dallas Jeffrey Delynn,a drunk skateboarder proved the power of today’s youth. He urinated a few ounces into one of Portland, Oregon’s reservoirs. The Portland Water Bureau responded by emptying Reservoir #5 at Mt. Tabor of its 38 million gallons of water, without waiting for the water quality tests. It flushed 38 million gallons of potable water down the stream without waiting for the water quality tests. The teenager was arrested for public urination in a reservoir of pretreated water. The reservoir’s pre-treated water was intended to go directly into the city’s water pipes without further treatment. An open reservoir cannot be clean. David Shaff, the Director of the Portland Water Bureau, explained “Our customers have an expectation that their water is not deliberately contaminated.” He added “The basic commitment of the Water Bureau is to provide clean, cold, and safe water to its customers.” He continued “And the basic premise that is that we don’t have pee in it.” Or, at least, human pee! Bird pee is OK; it apparently passes David Shaff’s sanitary standards. Shaff admitted that birds fell into the reservoir. The bacterial risks of a decomposing bird or animal carcass greatly exceed those of a drunk teenager’s urine stream, which urine would be quickly dissipated in 38 million gallons of water. Portland's drunk teen was simply practicing pollution control by dilution, a time honored practice in much of the world. The water quality tests came back after the reservoir was drained: the reservoir was clean. The readings for Coliform and E. Coli clean. The Portland Water Bureau reacted similarly in 2011 by draining 8 million gallons from Reservoir #1. We would probably have to drain every reservoir and swimming pool in America because of human urination if we followed Portland’s lead. I believe Portland is one of America’s greenest cities. Yet, it wastes one of America’s most precious resources, water. I think we are looking at a pea brain in David Shaff’s pee hang-up. “Water, water, every where. Nor any drop to drink.”