Monday, October 22, 2012

All the News We've Missed

The New York Times prides itself on "All the News That Fits." Why not look at all the news we’ve missed during the election cycle. Political news will be kept to a minimum, as we peruse the human interest stories of the world.

Big Tex burned down, Big Bird was singed, and Banana Boat Sunscreen is combustible.

Eva Longoria proved she is a twit.

Tom Hanks dropped the f-bomb on Good Morning America.

Sylvia Kristel (Emmanuelle) died at 60, joining Linda Lovelace of Deep Throat, Maria Schneider of The Last Tango in Paris, and Marilyn Chambers, otherwise the pure Proctor & Gamble Ivory Snow Girl, of Behind the Green Door fame in porn heaven, having taught sex education to at least one generation of young men.

Hulk Hogan stars, if that's the right word, in a leaked sex tape.

Paul McCartney said Yoko Ono was not responsible for the Beatles breakup.

Texas cheerleaders at Kountze High School, at least for now, get to display Christian religious messages on their banners.

The voters of the financially strapped city of Arcata, California are pondering Measure I, an excessive electricity use tax on electric bills 600% of the baseline to tax the Grow it at Home crowd in the Emerald Triangle. 600 homes currently qualify for the tax, which is estimated to raise $1.2 million annually.

The best selling automobile in California is the Toyota Prius.

Manganese Bronze Holdings PLC, the manufacturer of the famous, iconic black London taxi cab, entered insolvency and may have to liquidate.

Seth MacFarlane will host the Oscars.

J. K. Rowling has published an adult novel, A Casual Vacancy

Newsweek is shutting down.

The Vice Presidential candidates held a debate.

57 year old incumbent Democratic Congressman Brad Sherman physically attacked the smaller 71 year old incumbent Democratic Congressman Howard Berman in their debate caused by reapportionment.

Tim Tebow is trying to trademark “Tebowing.”

The San Francisco Giants defeated the DetroitTigers in the little watched World Series.

Felix Baumgartner successfully skydived from 24 miles up at speeds that reached 833.9mph, breaking the sound barrier. He was sponsored by Red Bull.

Sean McMinn of the student newspaper at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo sought a one page email from the Chancellor’s office in Long Beach. The email on university letterhead reminded college officials of their legal responsibilities regarding the tax referendums on the November ballot. The Chancellor’s office said it would email the email to Sean, but only if he paid twenty cents in advance by check.

Cooper Barton, 5 years old, eagerly attended kindergartner in Oklahoma City when the school principal made him turn his shirt inside out.  He was wearing a maize and blue University of Michigan shirt with “The Big House” on the front. The school said he violated the city’s ban on any sports apparel not supportive of the state’s college teams. The University of Michigan flew Scott and his family to The Big House for a football game.

And then we have Anatoliy N. Baranovich, who proved you should not fly after a 50 day bender. His plane was landing when he awoke, screaming the wing was on fire and scraping the ground. As the plane touched ground, he attempted to escape out the emergency door. The inflatable slide engaged, damaging the Delta 757.

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