Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Carmageddon is Coming! What to Do? What to Do?

Carmageddon is coming! Only two days till Carmageddon. Are you prepared?

Only 2 days to go – to go to Togo’s off the 405.

If you are one of the rest of the world who haven’t heard, Caltrans is closing the ten mile stretch of the 405 through the Sepulveda Pass between the Santa Monica Freeway (10) to the Ventura Freeway (101) for 53 hours, from Friday evening to hopefully 5 AM Monday morning. The road is closing for safety. Half the Mulholland Bridge overpass is being town down.

Mulholland’s fame lies with the Owens Valley Aqueduct and his infamy with the tragic failure of the Saint Francis Dam. Now his name is attached to the 405 closure.

The 405’s greatest fame is the fabled low speed chase of O.J. in a white Bronco.

So what if Southern California survived the 3 month closure of the 10 to rebuild after the January 17, 1994 Northridge quake?

Might this be the second coming of the y2k Millennium Bug?

So what of Homo Sapiens existed for 200,000 years before the 405

So what if civilization, born in the Crescent Triangle, survived thousands of years without the 405.

So what if Alexander the Great conquered the known world without the 405.

So what if the Roman Empire survived a millennium without the 405.

So what if the British Navy ruled the waves without the 405.

So what if the United States won World War II without the 405.

So what if Howard Hughes didn’t need the 405 to build the Spruce Goose.

So what if the 405 is not mentioned in the Old Testament, New Testament, or Quran.

So what if Southern California's air quality improves.

So what if this is the first time in 4 decades that the 405 is not jammed.

What would Buddha say?

This is Los Angeles, the self-centered center of the universe.

Half a million Angelenos drive this stretch daily.

The 405 is the working aorta of LA. The 5 suffers from eternal blockage.

Things to do this weekend to escape Carmageddon.

Wait for the Hollywood Calvary to head them off at the pass

Institutionalize any ignoramus heading up to the Sepulveda Pass not knowing of Carmageddon

Institutionalize Kim Kardashian who twittered the wrong date to all her fans

Do something radical – stay at home with the family

Make love, nor car war

Play Grand Theft Auto

Watch Leaving Los Angeles

Read the great novels of Dostoyevsky and Tolstoy

Complete the Sunday New York Times Crossword

Wait in line for 5 hours to see the new Harry Potter movie.

Do like the Gubernator – fly over the 405 in a private jet

Fly over the 405 on a Jet Blue 737 between Burbank and Long Beach for $4

Head east to San Berdu

Cross the Orange Curtain to weekend in Orange Country

Follow the Raiders and Rams out of LA

Go to a Dodgers game

Learn how our ancestors survived without the 405 - Pull out the candles, shut off the power, turn off the AC, unplug the phone, toss the cellphone, and silence the internet

Blog it

Enter a pool, not car pool, picking the exact moment of greatest chaos

Cuss out the rich Nimbys in Bel Air, Brentwood, and Beverly Hills who blocked a cheaper and less obstructive alternative

Consult your freeway therapist

Check in for elective surgery; spend the weekend in the hospital getting breast augmentation.

Go to the Wilshire Temple Friday evening and pray for a miracle early Monday morning.

Head for the Slauson Cutoff and look for the fork in the road

Listen for the music of the spheres

Chill out; tailgate on the 405.

Commune with nature

Get a horse

Learn to walk


Dust off your skateboards

Charter a Hornblower yacht

Public transit

Kiss the Valley Girls goodbye

Zone out

Savor the moment

Get a life! It’s only a weekend.

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