The 83rd Oscars were a national snooze fest – terminal ennui broken only by Billy Crystal’s appearance half way through, Randy Newman’s rambling acceptance speech, and the conclusion; that is, the fifth graders from P.S. 22 on Staten Island singing Over the Rainbow.
Who shall set the ship of Oscars straight next year? Build excitement, throw a quick quip, and enthrall the effortlessly the audience?
The nominees are:
The obvious choice is, no not Billy Chrystal, but Ricky Gervais. Prepared speech, ad lib, or ad hominum, he will keep the audience wired.
If not Ricky, then either Bob Hope or Johnny Carson. Just pop their caskets up, and photo shop their digitized remarks. The jokes are timeless. Even Francisco Franco would bring more life to the Oscars than James Franco.
Robin Williams – He will never stop, but no one will notice.
John Belushi as Samurai Oscar
Tina Fay: “I can see Russia from the Kodak Theatre.”
Billy Crystal and Steve Martin
Seinfeld - It’s really about nothing
Charlie Sheen: He’s special.
David Letterman is looking better every year
Chris Rock was actually pretty good
Sean Penn – You just never know
Lady Gaga – she’s mastered the Madonna School of Self-Promotion
If co-hosts are needed, then a trio of odd couples could light up the stage:
Keith Olbermann and Sarah Palin
Tom Cruise and Brooke Shields
Roberto Bernini and Charo
And the winner is Brice Vilanch