Saturday, April 14, 2018

Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garrett Believes LA and Iowa are Alike

Visions of the Presidency result in delusional behavior by otherwise smart politicians as they are blinded by the snow in Iowa and New Hampshire. Senator Chris Dodd moved his family to Iowa in 2007 in hopes of capturing Iowa. He came in sixth in the Iowa caucuses. Los Angeles Mayor is testing the Iowa waters, racking up frequent flyer miles and frequent sleeper points in Iowa. He doesn’t have to move to Iowa because he declared Iowa and Los Angeles are alike: “We’re the same as Iowa.” Yes, Iowa and Los Angeles are like Siamese Twins, or two peas in a pod, one blue and one red. He further stated that “Los Angeles is the heartland and Iowa is the cutting edge.” Yes, LA is the heartland in opening the new Selfie Museum. Yes, LA is the heartland in spending $40,000/mile to whitewash 6,500 miles of roads with white asphalt sealant to reduce global warming while 25% of its roads are rated “F” by the Bureau of Street Services. Iowans understand that white asphalt sealant does not fill the pothole ridden City of Angels. Nor does hot air. Los Angeles has potholes; Iowa road apples and road kill. La has the Dodgers; Iowa the Field of Dreams. Iowa is in the heartland of hard work. Iowa discerns the difference between bovines and bloviate. Iowa is full of bulls, LA BS. Iowa isn’t planning to place homeless shelters in peoples’ backyards, one of Mayor Garcetti’s ideas. Mayor Garcetti will have to spend more barnstorming chucking down corn dogs at the Iowa State Fair than he has even spent at the LA County Fair. Mayor Garcetti can check off many boxes: Mexican American Italian American Irish American Jewish American Navy Research Rhodes Scholar Fluent in English, Hebrew and Spanish Musician Youthful Telegenic Empathetic Multi-Cultural Multi-Ethnic Metrosexual But not “Farmer” If Mayor Garcetti gets out of Des Moines, he will open his eyes, ears and nose to new scenes, sounds and scents: skyscrapers in the form of grain elevators and water towers, working farms, and water flowing in a mighty river, the Mississippi, rather than the cement Los Angeles River, pigs squealing, grunting and oinking, sheep bleating, and cows mooing. The sounds of urban coyotes and rural coyotes will. however, be the familiar howling. He will pretend to be appalled at the cows contributing to global warming through their flatulence. Mayor Garcetti apparently shares the elitist view of farmers as “Rubes” and “Hayseeds,” or “Deplorables” living in Flyover Country, who can be snookered by a city slicker. Beware if the Mayor starts wearing a John Deere cap in Iowa. He probably doesn’t know the difference between the front end and rear end of a combine. Iowa has the National (Hot Air) Balloon Classic. Politicians spew hot air. Iowans don’t like being patronized by elitists.

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