I Love New York and SoHo, But SoMa and Sodo Are Too Much

I Love New York, but why can’t New Yorkers keep the New York in New York? SoHo, South of Houston, is a fabled neighborhood in New York City, adjoining TriBeCa. It’s unique; keep it in New York. But New York expatriates prove you can take the New Yorker out of New York, but not New York out of the New Yorker. Thus, Neil Diamond bemoans his leaving New York in “I Am, I Said.” “New York’s home but it ain’t mine no more.” I understand the Big Apple spilling into Westchester County, crossing the GW into Jersey, and escaping to the Catskills, Berkshires, and the Hamptons, and even to Miami with SoBe, but why San Francisco and Seattle? Let them retain their uniqueness and greatness. They don’t need help from New York. Governor Tom McCall of Oregon once popularized the slogan “Don’t Californicate Oregon.” I say “Don’t Yorkify California.” It was bad enough when New Yorkers transformed “South of the Slot” to SoMa (South of Market), probably after a few cocktails at the Washington Square Bar and Grill. But now they call the San Francisco Museum of Modern Act the unpronounceable SFMOMA. Why don’t they do that with LaLa Land and name the contemporary art museum LaMOCA, also available at Starbucks. Why not - West Hollywood is now WeHo. You could even call San Francisco “Frisco,” if that would keep the New Yorker mission creep out of San Francisco, but SoMa crosses Mission Street. Now they’ve moved up to Seattle with a new one: “SoDo,” South of Downtown. SoDo rhymes with DoDo. The nebulous SoDo starts at King Street, just south of the historic Pioneer Square. Pioneer Square and the Pike Place Market are Seattle treasures, but soon New Yorkers may call them Pi Square and PiMo. Seattle traffic has become SloMo, as has Bertha. UnWa will replace UW for the University of Washington with BiFo for Bigfoot. So no, Fo Go, I say NoMo and NoGo, not to be confused with Louisiana’s “Mr. Go,” which went the wrong way. Have a NoDoz.