Sunday, May 18, 2014
The Only Lawyer TV Ad I Want to See
Are you sick and tired of all the lawyer ads on TV? Do you prefer the political ads? How about used car salesmen? I find the TV ads disgraceful. If I need an attorney, I know who I would retain. He or she does not advertise on TV. We can thank the Supreme Court in 1977 in Bates v. Arizona State in holding that mouthpieces have a First Amendment Right to advertise. Here we are today. Pow! Pow! Pow! We are here for you. Justice; Justice; Justice. $ $ $ $ $ We will fight for you (and especially our fee) Knees ache, hips hurt, back pain, see us. We’ll find someone to sue. Denied benefits, see us. They don’t want to litigate a small claim (Neither do we) IRS problems, see us. We used to work for the IRS – They’re bragging about that? Social security problems, see us, Binder & Binder. I don’t think they’re relatives, I hate those hats, but they have the same last name. DWI, call Top Gun (Top Gun advertises DWI in LaLa Land) Dog bite, see us. We’ll put a bite on the bitch. Auto accident, see us. We’ll stick it to the insurance company. You’re in really good hands with us. Injured in an auto accident, see us. We’ll sue the car company in products liability. Drunk, and not wearing your seat belt, see us. We’ll still get you something. Pothole damage, see us. We’re the pothole attorneys. Need a divorce, see us. We’ll screw your spouse Bankrupt, see us. We still get paid ahead of the creditors Snake oil by lawyers The winner is mesothelioma If you have been diagnosed with mesothelioma, please call us for justice. Of course, it’s almost always mesothelioma. The trial lawyers love mesothelioma. Unlike most cancers and other chemically linked illnesses, mesothelioma normally only has one cause: exposure to asbestos. In addition, it is almost always fatal – often within 6 months of diagnosis. Mesothelioma is great for the lawyers, but you’ll be dead before you see a cent. Read the fine print on these ads. These firms are probably not licensed to practice law in your state, so they subcontract out the case to a local attorney. They collect a share of the fee. Local attorneys promise you justice and a free consultation for almost anything that ails you. A word on legal advice – You get what you pay for. I remember a student at one of my previous law schools. He had been suspended for two years for an especially egregious ethical problem. Most schools would have expelled him. Sadly, my did not, and Massachusetts thought him sufficiently ethical to practice law in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. He seduced a young woman working in the Registrar’s Office to get copies in advance of his exams. She was married to a soldier away on active duty. I was back in town several years later and saw him advertising on TV, trolling for clients, promising justice. He hadn’t changed. Here’s the lawyers’ ad I want to see: “Did that TV lawyer fail to give you justice, leave you unsatisfied, stick you with excessive fees, ignore you, Then come see us. We specialize in suing lawyers for malpractice.” If lawyers are called sharks, then why not a shark attack by lawyers against lawyers? Shark on Shark Let the best shark win!