The Great Orange County Penis Slicing Trial is Underway

“Lizzie Borden took an axe And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done She gave her father forty-one.” Catherine Kieu said “You deserve it” thrice And then emasculated her husband with a slice. The tragic terrorist attack on the Boston Marathon and the horrific fertilizer plant explosion and fire in West, Texas have kept attention off the Orange County version of John Wayne and Loretta Bobbitt. Catherine Kieu and Glen B. met in a gym, fell in love, and married on December 29, 2009. Alas, Glen B. filed for divorce in May 2011 after less than a year and half of non-connubial bliss on the grounds of “irreconcilable differences.” Yet they continued to live together in the same condo in Garden Grove, California. Glen put pillows between them when they shared the bed. On the assumption they were separated, he resumed dating a former girlfriend. That was a mistake. They argued about friends staying at the residence. Jealousy reared its ugly, little head. Catherine Kieu, now known as the Orange County Chopper, was enraged. She celebrated Independence Day a week late on July 11, 2011. She cooked him dinner spiced with Ambien. He thought the tofu had a metallic taste, and then drifted asleep. Catherine got him into the bed, and then tied his arms and legs onto the four corners of the bed with nylon ropes. She set up a voice-activated recorder to tape the oncoming festivities. She waited for him to awaken, and then pulled down his pants, grabbed his penis, and pulled out a ten inch, razor sharp kitchen knife. She screamed at him three times “You deserve this” and with but one quick slice severed his penis. She placed the severed member in the garbage disposal and turned on the power. Then she returned to him, stuffed a towel into his bleeding crotch, and called 911 telling the operator her husband was bleeding and confessed to her misdeed. She calmly waited for the police and paramedics to arrive. Catherine is one premeditated sick woman. The responders retrieved the mangled organ from the garbage disposal, but the surgeons were unable to successfully reattach it. The trial began yesterday. She’s charged with aggravated mayhem and torture. She faces life imprisonment because of the knife if convicted. She pled not guilty, essentially relying upon an insanity defense. She’s guilty. Her own tape is devastating. Glen testified “She murdered me that night; I will never have a sex life again.” The Toledo Blade has picked up the story. She’s guilty of violating one of the most sacred unwritten norms of civilization. Even a wandering penis stays attached. Her public defender made two arguments in his opening argument. First, the victim subjected her to verbal and sexual abuse and that she suffers from post-traumatic stress syndrome. She grew up in war torn Vietnam. Her mother died when the 50 year old Kieu was 5. Her brother repeatedly raped her when she turned 6. She’s clearly guilty. Reporters said the male jurors showed no interest in her defense and the female jurors displayed no sympathy for her. The trial is expected to last two weeks. Why? Of course, all she needs is one juror for a hung jury. (I was sorely tempted to writ this blog as purely humor with scores of double entrendres, but that would be unfair to Glen B, whose last name is easy to find if you wish). ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- April 30,2013 Update The jury yesterday took only 4 hours to convict her on all counts. She faces 58 years to life at the sentencing hearing on June 28. June 28, 2013 Update Judge Richard Toohey sentenced Catherine Kieu to 7 years to life in prison.