Elmer Fudd has been dispatched to “kiww the wabbit” in Mission Viejo, California.
The cry is up; “Shoot the wabbit.” Follow Elmer on his quixotic, Sisyphean quest to “Kiww the wabbit.”
Rabbits are prolific little critters, threatening, in the eyes of Mission Viejo residents, to do to their fair city what billions of invasive rabbits have done to the continent of Australia - inundate it with rabbit dung.
Mission Viejo, the affluent Mission Viejo, Mission Viejo, the safest city in California, the Mission Viejo that is only 22 years young, has a solution to the alleged rabbit infestation.
We don’t know if there is a problem or not, since no one has conducted a rabbit census in Mission Viejo. If we did hire temporary rabbit census workers, we could further reduce the unemployment rate.
Apparently the rabbits did not acquire squatters rights or adverse possession by being there first. No defense of coming to the nuisance against Mission Viejo.
Clearly no due process in Mission Viejo for Roger Rabbit, who may be framed rather than befriended.
The Palmia Homeowners Association, representing a gated community of 901 homes in Mission Viejo, applied to the Council for a permit to kill the rabbits. The community of seniors was upset by the rabbit infestation that chewed their lawns to the ground, devoured flower beds, and left their droppings and urine behind. They did not appreciate the natural bunny fertilizer. The seniors are set in their ways.
Mission Viejo is not thinking outside the rabbit box, warren or pen. Five years ago they issued a similar permit to another HOA, Casta del Sol, which was spending $50,000 annually to replace the flora. Casta del Sol, unwilling to be renamed Casta del Rabbit, now reports the rabbit problem is under control.
Long Beach Community College is also overrun with Thumpers. The college’s humanitarian solution is to trap the rabbits, neuter them, and then release them.
Mission Viejo could Tazer the rabbits, neuter them, and then relocate them into Silverado Canyon or the Cleveland National Forest.
But no, Mission Viejo follows the lore of the West that “The only good rabbit is a dead rabbit.” Mission Viejo's new city motto is "Hare today; gone tomorrow."
Rabbits, like prairie dogs are to be exterminated. No more Mission Viejo Velveteen Rabbits.
If they make a success out of it, then they could mount an annual “Kill the Wabbit Festival,” like the annual Rattlesnake Roundup & Cookout in Sweetwater, Texas. Make a carnival out of it.
Orange County already has the Tustin Tillerdays, Garden Grove’s Strawberry Festival, Little Saigon’s Tet, Dana Point’s Festival of the Whale, San Juan Capistrano’s Return of the Swallows (who apparently are moving on to nicer accommodations), and Newport Beach’s Annual Christmas Boat Parade. La Habra double dips with a Spring Citrus Fair and also a Corn Festival. Orange has its International Festival and Huntington Beach Oktoberfest, both of which are excuses to drink outdoors between sunrise and sunset, but no one celebrates hunting in the Orange Curtain.
Mission Viejo has a Festival of the Arts, but it is greatly overshadowed by Laguna Beach’s Sawdust Festival and Festival of the Arts.
Mission Viejo needs something to distinguish it from all the other O.C. planned communities. A “Shoot the Rabbits Festival” could be the trick.
Let us also not forget Disneyland and Knotts Berry Farm, for sheer entertainment.
The conditions imposed on the permit are almost Mickey Mouse, which is appropriate to Orange County.
Only pellet guns can be used.
The hunting is only allowed 30 minutes after sunset and 30 minutes before sunrise;
A professional company must be hired to do the hunting
The hunt must be conducted in open space
No people can be present
The hunters must put their guns down when people are present;
The hunter must notify the Sheriff’s Office on huntng days.
Ask yourself two questions:
What self-respecting hunter hunts rabbits?
Make a sport out of it. Have the hunters lasso the rabbits in the grass. Rancho Mission Viejo already hosts a rodeo. What better time for rabbit hunting?
Second, if you shoot rabbits with pellets, do rabbit pellets come out the other end?
Mission Viejo has overlooked some natural solutions to the rabbit infestation.
They could, for example, bring in a pair of coyotes. They feast on rabbit. Also a wild cat, or mountain lion, could serve the purpose.
Coyotes though can’t tell the difference between rabbits, alley cats, and miniature schnauzers.
They could import the rabbit killing myxo virus from Australia.
Apparently Mission Viejo does not wish to traumatize the children by watching rabbits being killed. But this is a seniors community.
An unanswered question is what to do with the stiff rabbits:
Cremate them, and scatter the ashes over the artificial Lake Mission Viejo.
Inter them with a proper burial and a head stone under an immaculate lawn;
“Her lies Muffy;
2010-2010: Pellet Poisoning”
Preserve the rabbit family in a crypt
Throw Bunnykins into the trash
Throw The White Rabbit out as carrion to be recycled by nature.
Raccoons and crows could clean the Miffy in a jiffy.
Stew the rabbit
Harvest the organs.
Donate Peter Cottontail's lucky rabbit tail to a deserving Pateadore.
Mission Viejo is being very shortsighted.
Elmer Fudd is out to kiww the warbbit, and we know how too well that worked out in Looney Toons. Elmer could never pull a rabbit out of the hat, much less the grass.