Monday, September 14, 2009

Good Time Charlie's Got the Blues

100,000 amazed Maize and Blue Michigan fans slowly filed out of the Big House Saturday, singing The Victors, screaming “Go Blue,” and thanking God for Charlie Weis as the head coach of the Fighting Irish. Charlie snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, confirming the widely held view that Charlie is in over his head in coaching college players. He is not the anointed savior of The Fighting Irish.

Charlie was an offensive coordinator under New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick, who has made many of his coordinators look good only for them to flop as head coaches. Weis is not a chip off the old Rockne.

Last year witnessed an anomaly in the force. The Mighty Wolverines were declawed. Touchdown Jesus smiled on the Fighting Irish in the pouring rains as 6 Michigan fumbles gifted Notre Dame the victory. Touchdown Jesus lacks jurisdiction in Michigan. Power was left in the hands of a mere mortal, Charlie Weis, and what a lesser mortal he is.

Three minutes to go; Notre Dame up by three in possession of the ball. Second down with Michigan left with two time outs. Any football fan, including the drunken idiot sitting behind me, knows you run the ball, and even if you don’t get a first down, make Michigan exhaust its timeouts. Not Charlie! He throws the ball twice for incompletes, stopping the clock each time, and then punts to Michigan on its 43 with 2:13 and two timeouts on the clock. That’s all Michigan needed to win the Game with 11 seconds left. Ara Parseghian would have been proud. Tate Forcier, Michigan’s true freshman quarterback has the ice water in his veins previously possessed by Notre Dame’s Joe Montana, and Michigan’s Tom Brady.

Order has been restored with Michigan now 21-15-1 against Notre Dame. Charlie has taken Notre Dame from second in all time victories to third, now trailing Texas. Charlie might reach fourth if given the opportunity.

Charlie’s a graduate of Notre Dame, but never played college ball. He doesn’t understand the basics, much less nuances, of college football. Michigan’s coach, Rich Rodriquez, may or may not have outcoached Charlie Weis, but Charlie definitely outcoached himself.

The Notre Dame offensive line controlled Michigan’s defensive line throughout the game. If you can’t run the ball at the end, you don’t deserve to win. Notre Dame had 305 offensive yards in the first half. Jimmy Clausen had all day to throw and could pick his receivers at leisure. Michigan's line could not touch him. The always suspect Michigan secondary was torched with sophomore safety Boubacar Cissoko playing like the second coming of Morgan Trent.

Winning at the end of a game is often the function of conditioning. Michigan’s voluntary workouts have brought Michigan back from the dead. Thank you Charlie for the Lazarus revival of Michigan football.

The Catholic Church believes in life. Abortion is sacrosanct as is terminating life at the end. Notre Dame has a conundrum. Good Time Charlie isn’t even halfway through his sweetheart ten year contract. Does Notre Dame pull the plug? Kevin White, the AD who committed the mortal sin of hiring Weis and prematurely terminated the regime of Ty Willingham, is no longer at the university. He bailed for Duke in 2008, leaving the pieces to the current administration. The Blue Devil AD made a Faustian Bargain, gambling Weis would take them to the promised land of BCS riches. But Notre Dame had already made a Faustian Bargain with a true Faust.

God Bless Father Hesburgh, who built Notre Dame into the academic powerhouse that matches its football prowess. Even during that period of the Dark Ages known as “The Damnation of Faust,” Fr. Hesburgh honored the 5 year contract of Gerry Faust.

Jesus preached forgiveness, but the alumni giveth not to a souless team except to buyout the loser. Charlie Weis does not have a seat waiting for him at the Pantheon of the great Irish coaches, Knute Rockne, Frank Leahy, Ara Parseghian, the aptly named Dan Devine, and Lou Holtz. No drive is underway to deify Charlie Weis.

Charlie’s place may be in Notre Dame Hades with Joe Kuharich, Bob Davie, Gerry Faust, and Ty Willingham. Absolution is called for.

Pulling the plug on sanctimonious Charlie will be costly, unless he does the honorable thing and resigns. Otherwise, Weis may be feeling the blues, but he could land in the greens.

Fear not ye of little faith. Do not lose faith for Charlie will always rise to your expectations.

Charlie, Ann Arbor and Michigan thank you for boosting the economy. The bars and restaurants in Ann Arbor were festive last night, with lines winding around the corners.

God bless Charlie Weis.

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